Holy Spirit...

Holy Spirit...12-8-25

Yesterday, in Sunday School, we talked about the Holy Spirit leading us. We were reading in Psalms and then in 2 Timothy. The discussion was about doing what was right and following the path that we have learned, learned from the scripture and teaching. 2 Timothy 3:14-15, "¹⁴ But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, ¹⁵ and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus." I didn't learn from infancy about the scripture. I didn't have the upbringing that some in our Sunday School class were blessed with. Godly parents, who taught them from the scripture. Who taught them what was right and what was wrong. However, now I do have the Holy Spirit living inside me who gives me discernment. Who tells me, if I will listen, what is right and what I shouldn't be doing.

Today...today, I messed up. On the way here I was ranting to my youngest about a situation that I can't control, only God can. My husband and I have wracked our brains trying to figure out how to deal with it. My youngest son, and husband, both worry that I will end up in the hospital, again, because I worry too much. I can't seem to move this from my right hand (what I can control or effect) to my left hand (what I cannot). The truth of the matter is, only God can control both hands. He should control my whole being, if I let Him. I knew when I said the dirty words that I said in frustration that wasn't what I should be doing. I knew as I was ranting and letting it all out, that wasn't the way to handle my frustrations and fears. I knew all this, but my self, my human flesh, took over and I pushed away the understanding of what I should do. I let the devil slip in and for those moments, I let the evil one win. I said the bad words, I let what was unholy come out of my mouth.

Immediately, I am sad, repentent, and disappointed that I can't control my thoughts and feelings better than I did. As I sit at my desk during my conference, and type this, I know what I should have done, but I didn't. Someone in our class mentioned "grieving the Holy Spirit". That is what I did today. Ephesians 4:29-32 says, "²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

As a believer, the saddest that I feel is when I have disappointed God or grieved the Holy Spirit within me. I know that I am not the only one reading this who has been guilty of such a grievance. But, this is on me, I can't use the excuse that I am not the only one who does this. I cannot use the excuse that I am human. I am human, but I am a Christian that loves God and wants to live as I should. Thankfully, I was alone with only my youngest son and then husband on the phone during this time. Had I committed this act with others around, I could be the result of their stumbling. I could be a stumbling block that hinders their faith or worse, hinders their acceptance. As I type, I realize that I could be a stumbling block to my husband and youngest son by my actions this morning. I want to say that this will never happen again. I pray that it doesn't, but I am human. Telling you that I may never grieve the holy spirit again with words, actions, or deeds is like telling you the sky will never let loose rain. I pray that I am faithful in my committment to speak love and acceptance. To speak truth. To speak with a clean spirit. To speak only from the Holy Spirit. I pray this.

Dear Lord, Forgive me for my failures. Forgive me for my grievances in dirty words, anger, and resentment, unforgiveness. Let me learn from my failures. Let me always seek the Holy Spirit within me and do your will in every situation. Thank you for always providing comfort, knowledge, discernment, and forgiveness. I want to live for you in every deed and word. May every word that comes out of my mouth be a reverence to you. Only you. Amen