Keeping It Within…

Keeping It Within…7-15-25

The worst abuse I suffered as a child and young adult was emotional abuse. This kind leaves no outward scars. There are no visible wounds to alert someone of the abuse, it is deep within. I have met a few people since childhood that see that in me and have exploited it. But, there difference now is my weakness and insecurities.

As I grew, this abuse became a device to use for control. A screwdriver tightening a lid to hold the contents within and keep them from spilling out. If you don’t do this, your brothers and sisters won’t get this. Maybe the “this” was food, maybe it was comfort, they received the verbal or physical retribution for my noncompliance, and maybe just an activity or place they wanted to go or do. I learned the hard lesson of understanding that all my actions have consequences.

Proverbs 16:32: "Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." This scripture refers to restraining your tongue. That’s something I’ve always had trouble with and others would pay. So I learned to keep it all in. I just didn’t learn not to show my emotions well enough. My sorrow, anger, joy, love, pleasure, desires, fears, anxiety, or concern shines through the facade. The curtains sometimes can’t keep the dark out and let the light in. At other times, they open to a brilliant sunrise or thunder and lightening. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I told a dear friend once that I had gotten pretty good at hiding it inside. I can put on a smile while the inside is raging a war.

You see, a person who has experienced or experiences emotional and mental abuse is a loaf of bread. They rise when given the leavening in the right amount. They grow and bask in the warmth. When the abuse comes, they are deflated and fall unable to rise again.

Knowing that Heaven is my yeast and I am the dough means that as I come to Christ, he gives me what I need to rise up. He takes what I am and was, all the deflated pieces and reworks me as a new piece of dough. His unconditional love and the peace of Christ and Heaven. Luke 32:20-21, “Again he asked, “What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds of flour until it worked all through the dough.”