The Other Siblings...

The Other Siblings...5-12-2025

I have a biological sister and two brothers. My biological sister is 11 months older than I am. Her birthday is in February, and I was born on the same day in January the next year. She was premature at 7 months. She was very tiny and, as a result, suffered what they referred to then as MMR. Today, that would be called a specific learning disability. I was also premature at 7 1/2 months. My biological mother's 4th child, my youngest brother, was 6 1/2 months premature. Four children by the time she was 21. My biological sister often sat in the corner, played by herself, and played with her babies. The last time I talked with her, she had been married for about 10 years and had four children. All were autistic or disabled, one child had nonverbal autism. That was about 30 years ago.

I think of her often. I don't have any idea how to get in touch with her, and I'm not sure if she would even want to speak to me. She blamed me for what happened, the trial, our biological father being arrested, and everything coming apart when the abuse was discovered. I saw her at her wedding, and she discussed with me what had happened and how her life had changed. She talked about what I "had done" and how it affected her. Then, when I called her years later, she again referred to the change in her life and the path she had to take because of me. I was not in a place then to understand her pain when she was not the victim of most of the abuse.

Now, I understand how her world had changed. Her world was not the greatest, but for her, it was secure. It was stable. I took care of her. I sheltered and shielded her. She had security in her world. As I grow in Christ, I can realize that the changes not only occurred for me, but for my siblings as well. The entire unit broke apart. The day that my world changed, theirs did as well. No, our homelife was far from wonderful. It was far from secure with the constant mental and verbal abuse. But what they had known for the better part of 19, 17, and 14 years had changed as well. It was instantaneously rearranged as if someone had taken a puzzle piece out, asked that the pieces be altered to fit together, and then continually changed the pieces in and out for the next year and a half. That was the timeline from my entrance to foster care, the trial, the sentence, his appeal, and the judge granting bail. Then my biological father violated his bail agreement and took off with my biological mother, he abandoned my other siblings as well.

You see, in Ephesians 4:32, God says, "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." It wasn't hard for me to forgive my siblings for not reaching out. It wasn't hard for me to understand why they would not return my phone calls when I left messages. I forgive more easily than some. When I think about the circumstances, what pain they must have felt as well, it isn't hard to see their hurt and their struggles. They didn't believe what had happened, and in their defense, they had no reason to, as it was well hidden from everyone for 16 years. Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." My siblings were born for each other to endure a time of adversity; they bonded together during that time of my departure and their parents' betrayal. God knew they would need each other. He had a different path for me. They needed each other. Our love, our goodness, and our forgiveness are deep and encompassing. Our ability to love one another as God loved us, forgive one another, as He forgave, and be there for each other in times of adversity is a lesson that we have to learn as we grow in His grace and mercy. As you understand God's love and His forgiveness, you begin to truly "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:" Philippians 2:5.