The Noise and the Wounds...

The Noise and the Wounds...6-12-25

Sometimes the noise around me isn't as loud as the noises in my head. I find myself unable to even pray without my mind wandering and before I know it, I'm thinking about other things. I try taking a deep breath and centering my thoughts. For an OCD person, whose brain won't stop, this is so hard. I sometimes can't shut my mind off to sleep, and often, wake up in the middle of the night only to lay there for hours. I do not have the energy after I had a heart attack a few years back. This makes it worse.

For the last few weeks, it has been various things that have kept my mind going nonstop. Particular situations I'm praying about. There are others I'm praying for whom I feel the devil pulling and the only thing I can do is to pray. And, of course, life in general has my mind in overdrive. Even as I sit this week in my favorite spot, my mind is in a hundred places. I find when these times get worse, so does my self-confidence and I start to be paranoid. I don't like this side of me. This has been fostered through a childhood of everything being my fault and manipulative parents who controlled me. They made sure I didn't talk and this is .one of the methods they used, especially my biological father.

When these times occur, the noises won't stop and I see the sore getting larger. I know these two little boys who have sores on their legs and arms. They have picked at the sores and in response, the sores are festering and deepening. My grandson does this too. This weekend I was bitten by multiple mosquitos and I have begun to itch and the sores are getting larger. My mind is like this sore, the more I think on things, the deeper and larger it grows. The sore widens and becomes infected. The issue gets worse.

Exodus 15:26 says, "For I am the Lord who heals you." My Lord sees our wounds. He sees every sore. You would think after all this time, I wouldn't pick at a single wound, and the noises would be quiet. But that isn't how our mind works. and that isn't how God made me. He knows my heart, and He knows my hurts. He knows I trust in Him. But, He also knows that I will love deeply, feel with my whole being, and have sores that only my Jesus will heal in Heaven. That is okay. Psalm 147:3  “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name. How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!”

Jeremiah 17:14. “O Lord, if you heal me, I will be truly healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for you alone!”.